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Nov. 28th, 2011

[sticky post] (no subject)

For months I've been trying to put your interests above mine because I'm scared of hurting your feelings, not of confrontations. I could haphazardly dismiss people's reactions had they not been my friends', but I've always considered what you'd think or what you'd feel about me because you're the one who know me best. You are the type of person that people should adjust to, not the other way around. You're amiable in all sorts of ways, but you were the one who told me that personally you're having a hard time letting other people in your life, and that's where you succumb to. When people try to know you more, or try to make you a better person, you push them away resisting criticisms so hard because that's 'who you are'. It's your friends who tolerate because you cannot.

I am tired of thinking what you'll say or think or feel about me everytime I make decisions. I am fed up of giving reasons not to lose your trust when I go with my other friends without your fucking consent. I am so tired of hearing your boisterous criticisms about how you are better than everyone else while you criticize my other friends. I am tired of caring for this friendship while I push my other friends to make way for you. You know that I think you better than my other friends because we seem to get along well, but there are a lot of things that you don't understand about me. There's a lot of difference between knowing and understanding me.

I don't want to tell you everywhere I have been, everything I did, or everyone I've been with. I don't want to try to save our friendship by trying to reason out why I chose to spend UPD's Lantern Parade with my high school friends or that October's Meiday with my orgmates. I don't even care if you spend photowalks with people from Tumblr and not tell me about it.

Jul. 13th, 2015

It's 2015

Hello journal.

I've been keeping you like a tooth beneath a pillow all this time.

I saw Mizzi's blogpost and somehow it gave me the urge to write again.

But about what?
I'm still the same Mark.
Albeit older.

Still stubborn.
Still cautious.
Still loving.
Still yearns for love.
Still loved.

I have my fair share of scars, healed and healing. Same as before.

I'm floating on

May. 15th, 2013

(no subject)

i don't like most people.

ugh i'm so tired.

i'm so so tired.

i want to be alone.

Feb. 8th, 2013

(no subject)

I feel like I'm in a rush. I'm being swept away. The sense of adventure--the thrill of it, makes me swallow everything I can while it lasts. Lately I've been in haste of savouring every precious little things life has been throwing at me, I never had the time to slow down and appreciate it. I just don't want things to pass me by before, but I think now I've had too much take on life...and I've resolved to take time and be thankful with the current state as it is.

Do not think about deteriorations nor improvements. Just think about how wonderful now is. 

I miss a lot of things, especially photography. Or how things were slow-paced, quite monotonous. But oh, what joy it is to follow the currents, no matter how fast it takes you to a place you don't even know; to a direction you've never taken before.

There's just great depths for you to find yourself.

Jul. 30th, 2012

By Bob Marley

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

Jun. 25th, 2012

(no subject)

I wish I could get past this defeatist demon that's been haunting me for years. Nobody knows what it's like to be me. You never went through what I did. This may sound selfish, but I've been trying to fit in and understand people, not the other way around. I've always wanted to adjust to others and not make them adjust for me, I always try so hard to understand others and not make them understand me. I always try to find peace with the world, not make the world at peace with me.

I always try so fucking hard at the expense of my own sense of belonging and security.

Feb. 19th, 2012

Macau / Hong Kong

Day 1: Macau

We left NAIA Terminal 3 at around 6 (I think), and we arrived in the evening here. The highlight of my first night in Macau is to be able to travel around its environs in the wee hours of the night and still feel safe doing it. It still feels so alive at 3 in the morning.

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oOo
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Feb. 6th, 2012

100 Movies or More in 2011

I made this once but it was dead after March. I can't remember what year it was though. Since I think I'm already old enough, I hope I could manage to pull this off.

This means I haven't watched the whole movie.
This means I like it.

January
  1. Rosario
  2. Black Swan
  3. Flipped
  4. Exam
  5. 3 Idiots
  6. The English Patient
  7. The King's Speech
  8. Case 39
  9. A Prophet

February
  1. Good Will Hunting
  2. La fille sur le pont
  3. Crazy Little Thing Called Love
  4. The Prestige
  5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid
  6. Oto-na-ri (HUHU SO GOOD)

March
  1. Orlando
  2. Tangled
  3. Blue Valentine
  4. Red Riding Hood
  5. Easy Virtue

April
  1. Vintner's Luck
  2. Catch Me... I'm In Love (asfghjkl;')
  3. 10 Things I Hate About You

May
  1. Rio
  2. In the Name of Love

June
  1. Gone With The Wind
  2. X-Men: First Class
  3. Heartbeats
  4. X-Men: The Last Stand
  5. The Last King of Scotland
  6. Death Bell
  7. Death Bell 2
  8. Centurion
  9. New York, I Love You
  10. In The Mood For Love

July
  1. Last Night
  2. Belle de Jour
  3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
  4. Mayohan
  5. Teoriya (Father's Way)
  6. Niño
  7. Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank
  8. Ang Sayaw Ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa (The Dance Of The Two Left Feet)
  9. Ligo Na U, Lapit Na Me (Star-crossed Love)
  10. Un Diuta Y Mundo Samarito
  11. Walang Katapusang Kwarto
  12. Every Other Time
  13. Nino Bonito
  14. Bahay Bata
  15. Rakenrol

August
  1. Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington
  2. Dogtooth
  3. Cowboys & Aliens
  4. The Bourne Identity
  5. Crazy, Stupid, Love
  6. Senior Year
  7. Amok
  8. Bisperas
  9. Mission Impossible
  10. Jane Eyre
  11. A Passage to India
  12. Hanna

September
  1. Limitless
  2. Oro, Plata, Mata
  3. The Princess and the Frog
  4. Bad Teacher
  5. Tribu
  6. Brideshead Revisited

October
  1. Crying Ladies
  2. Glorious 39
  3. Christopher and his Kind
  4. The Phantom of the Opera Live at the Royal Albert Hall (technically a movie o.o)
  5. Darjeeling Limited
  6. Murmur of the Heart
  7. A la folie...pas du tout
  8. Midnight in Paris
  9. The Graduate
  10. Kramer vs. Kramer
  11. The Scarlet Empress
  12. Memento
  13. Farewell, My Concubine
  14. Happy Together
  15. Das Experiment
  16. Fanny och Alexander
November
  1. Conan the Barbarian
  2. Water for Elephants
  3. The Blair Witch Project
  4. Paranormal Activity 3
  5. Munich
  6. Forbidden Games
  7. Sansho the Bailiff
December
  1. Insidious
  2. Days of Being Wild
  3. Melancholia
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Jan. 27th, 2012

Hello.

I'm fine, thank you.
Tags:

Dec. 22nd, 2011

Feeling Nuts

I just hate feeling helpless and alone at the same time.

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