the end of the day


I still can access this journal. Hello there, this is Mark at 28.

I've finally settled in Australia! I kept telling myself that life here is better, but I have my own share of bigger problems, risks and responsibilities. I feel like I'm in a more precarious situation because the Mark I see in the mirror at 17 is still the same Mark I see now:  still scared shitless.

BUT--I've learned that, after all that I've been through, self love is possible. That you should take care of yourself. That you are your longest commitment.

Days when I like the person staring back at me are definitely longer. Sometimes I regress into the old victim that I see myself, but with the help of people around me I get over it. Hopefully this is an indication that I am being kinder to myself and that I have more sense of agency into my life--something I've never considered a possibility for most of my growing years.

Probably noteworthy to give you (me in another ten years) an update on how my present life is.

1. I went to Australia last July 2016 to take up Master of Data Science at Monash Uni. It was a rough ride. I still consider 2017 to be my worst year (second to 2007--not sure why there's a pattern) but the battle scars made me proud of who I've become. I am now employed on a full-time, fixed term basis (again after 3 years!), hopefully something permanent will come up soon.

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pnp: elizabeth bennet

It's 2015

Hello journal.

I've been keeping you like a tooth beneath a pillow all this time.

I saw Mizzi's blogpost and somehow it gave me the urge to write again.

But about what?
I'm still the same Mark.
Albeit older.

Still stubborn.
Still cautious.
Still loving.
Still yearns for love.
Still loved.

I have my fair share of scars, healed and healing. Same as before.

I'm floating on
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    Some Tove Lo

(no subject)

I feel like I'm in a rush. I'm being swept away. The sense of adventure--the thrill of it, makes me swallow everything I can while it lasts. Lately I've been in haste of savouring every precious little things life has been throwing at me, I never had the time to slow down and appreciate it. I just don't want things to pass me by like before, but I think now I've had too much take on life...and I've resolved to take time and be thankful with the current state as it is.

Do not think about deteriorations nor improvements. Just think about how wonderful now is. 

I miss a lot of things, especially photography. Or how things were slow-paced, quite monotonous. But oh, what joy it is to follow the currents, no matter how fast it takes you to a place you don't even know; to a direction you've never taken before.

There's just great depths for you to find yourself.


By Bob Marley

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.


(no subject)

I wish I could get past this defeatist demon that's been haunting me for years. Nobody knows what it's like to be me. You never went through what I did. This may sound selfish, but I've been trying to fit in and understand people, not the other way around. I've always wanted to adjust to others and not make them adjust for me, I always try so hard to understand others and not make them understand me. I always try to find peace with the world, not make the world at peace with me.

I always try so fucking hard at the expense of my own sense of belonging and security.

Hi Hi Hi Updates 2012

\Hello. I'm writing this in bullet-like form because I'm not in the state of organized thoughts.

I just came back from a 3-day getaway in Sta. Maria, Laguna. Photos to come!

I gloat at the loss of my Oakley Glasses though. I lost it while stupidly braving my way at the falls in Laurel, SML.

I did not graduate last semester, but I'm pretty sure that I'll do this Summer. I'm not into finding jobs yet even though my parents insist that I start earning already.

For now, I plan to teach (for a year or two) at my University. Just because I don't want to sit all day in an office.
And maybe because there's somebody that's bringing me back to UPLB.

I haven't been able to complete my Macau-Hong Kong photo essay. I miss photography.

I also miss this blog.

I miss you.

I am fine, and I'll be fine. If you're concerned about my well-being, this is what I assure you.

Macau / Hong Kong

Day 1: Macau

We left NAIA Terminal 3 at around 6 (I think), and we arrived in the evening here. The highlight of my first night in Macau is to be able to travel around its environs in the wee hours of the night and still feel safe doing it. It still feels so alive at 3 in the morning.

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pnp: mrs. darcy

100 Movies or More in 2011

I made this once but it was dead after March. I can't remember what year it was though. Since I think I'm already old enough, I hope I could manage to pull this off.

This means I haven't watched the whole movie.
This means I like it.

  1. Rosario
  2. Black Swan
  3. Flipped
  4. Exam
  5. 3 Idiots
  6. The English Patient
  7. The King's Speech
  8. Case 39
  9. A Prophet

  1. Good Will Hunting
  2. La fille sur le pont
  3. Crazy Little Thing Called Love
  4. The Prestige
  5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid
  6. Oto-na-ri (HUHU SO GOOD)

  1. Orlando
  2. Tangled
  3. Blue Valentine
  4. Red Riding Hood
  5. Easy Virtue

  1. Vintner's Luck
  2. Catch Me... I'm In Love (asfghjkl;')
  3. 10 Things I Hate About You

  1. Rio
  2. In the Name of Love

  1. Gone With The Wind
  2. X-Men: First Class
  3. Heartbeats
  4. X-Men: The Last Stand
  5. The Last King of Scotland
  6. Death Bell
  7. Death Bell 2
  8. Centurion
  9. New York, I Love You
  10. In The Mood For Love

  1. Last Night
  2. Belle de Jour
  3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
  4. Mayohan
  5. Teoriya (Father's Way)
  6. Niño
  7. Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank
  8. Ang Sayaw Ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa (The Dance Of The Two Left Feet)
  9. Ligo Na U, Lapit Na Me (Star-crossed Love)
  10. Un Diuta Y Mundo Samarito
  11. Walang Katapusang Kwarto
  12. Every Other Time
  13. Nino Bonito
  14. Bahay Bata
  15. Rakenrol

  1. Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington
  2. Dogtooth
  3. Cowboys & Aliens
  4. The Bourne Identity
  5. Crazy, Stupid, Love
  6. Senior Year
  7. Amok
  8. Bisperas
  9. Mission Impossible
  10. Jane Eyre
  11. A Passage to India
  12. Hanna

  1. Limitless
  2. Oro, Plata, Mata
  3. The Princess and the Frog
  4. Bad Teacher
  5. Tribu
  6. Brideshead Revisited

  1. Crying Ladies
  2. Glorious 39
  3. Christopher and his Kind
  4. The Phantom of the Opera Live at the Royal Albert Hall (technically a movie o.o)
  5. Darjeeling Limited
  6. Murmur of the Heart
  7. A la folie...pas du tout
  8. Midnight in Paris
  9. The Graduate
  10. Kramer vs. Kramer
  11. The Scarlet Empress
  12. Memento
  13. Farewell, My Concubine
  14. Happy Together
  15. Das Experiment
  16. Fanny och Alexander
  1. Conan the Barbarian
  2. Water for Elephants
  3. The Blair Witch Project
  4. Paranormal Activity 3
  5. Munich
  6. Forbidden Games
  7. Sansho the Bailiff
  1. Insidious
  2. Days of Being Wild
  3. Melancholia
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